That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
