When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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