thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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