How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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