i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
