One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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