Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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