Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
