hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
