i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
