he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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