Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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