she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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