she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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