Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
