i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm getting married
To pizza
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
