My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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