what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
