When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want her autograph on my taint
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
