He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
