I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
