sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
