69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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