First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
how drunk are you?
Several
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
