Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
