Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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