Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i think i just lost a toe
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
