Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
