Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
