So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
home. puking in laundry basket.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
