WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
