I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
