my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
