My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Randomize
