don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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