At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
