I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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