Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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