Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
