How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
