one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
