We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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