if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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