I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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