Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
