Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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