I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
