batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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