Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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