Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
