You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
