i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
