umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
