they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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