Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
