mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
